


Can We Just Pretend

by 13galaxies



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Suicide, Break Up, Cutting, Depression, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Overdosing, Phan - Freeform, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, it's pretty sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 04:11:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13galaxies/pseuds/13galaxies
Summary: After being seen cuddling with a childhood friend, Phil thinks Dan is cheating.





	Can We Just Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> I would recommend listening to "Pretend" by Mali-Koa, or other sad songs to get the full emotion. This is a work of fictional, and if you are experiencing any suicidal thoughts/ desires to hurt yourself, please contact someone.

“Dan, what the fuck! I come back from my parents’ to find you cuddled up to some guy at a cafe? Do I really mean that little to you?” 

Dan recoils at the accusation. “No, Phil, it wasn't what it looked li-”

“What do you mean it wasn't what it looked like? It was perfectly clear, you curled up with your head on his shoulder!” 

“Phil, I don't like him, you know I only love you! I would never cheat on you, you know that, don't you?” 

Phil's face remains unchanged from its angered state. “That's not what it looked like when you kissed him!”

“It wasn't like that! Let me explain!” Dan pleads, but Phil turns to walk out of the room. 

“Dan, I don't think I can live here with you constantly lying to me, please just tell the truth,”

“But I wasn-”

“That's bullshit and you know it.” Phil hisses, opening the front door. “Have fun with your new boyfriend. Don't contact me.” 

“Phil, he's no-”

“I'm leaving. Permanently. I'll send Louise or PJ to get my stuff.” The door slams shut. 

The sound of Phil's footsteps fade, and Dan falls to the floor. Why did he have to be so close to Ian, why did he have to kiss him on the cheek? It wasn't like he loved Ian, not like that. Ian was practically a brother to him, he had been since they were five. The first tears roll down Dan's cheek, falling into his hands. 

~~~~~~

The pain is too much. Dan’s made it to the couch, where he's now freely crying. Phil was Dan's best friend, his soulmate forever. Now, Phil is gone. Gone, after telling Dan not to contact him. Now, there’s an empty space, one that needs to be filled. He calls Ian, but immediately hangs up. The guilt is too much. 

Dan stands up, slowly making his way to the bathroom. He opens the closet, digging around the back of it until he finds the box. The box he swore he would never get out again. The box he promised to Phil he would never touch. Now, Phil was gone, taking all of Dan's oaths and promises with him. Dan opens the small, white cardboard box, taking a fresh razor blade out. 

Ruby-colored blood flows out of the 10 horizontal lines, 5 on each wrist. Dan felt freer, but the pain, the weight of Phil's absence still prominent. Then he remembers. 

~~~~~~

Phil still can't believe it. Dan cheated on him. Dan who he loved, who he planned on marrying someday. 

Find my Friends told Phil that Dan was at a coffee shop. Phil had planned on going to the cafe to surprise Dan, having come back from Isle of Man a day early. He hadn't expected to see Dan curled into another man. To see Dan kiss him broke Phil's heart. 

All of this Phil explained to Louise, whom he had run to after he left. She's extremely worried, not just for Phil, but for both of the duo, knowing the impact they had on each other. When Phil tells her how he left, she immediately stands up. She knows Dan well enough to guess what might happen. She wants to slap Phil, for he should know, too. 

She drives as quickly as possible to Dan's flat, finding a blond boy looking slightly panicked standing outside, knocking on the door. She pulls out her key to the flat, one that she had been given as soon as the two men moved in. 

“Who’re you? What are you doing here?” She asks, opening the door and walking in. 

“I'm Ian, Dan called me and immediately hung up. I got worried.” 

The two search through the flat, finding Dan's body sprawled in the bathtub, wrists covered in blood, and a half-empty bottle of pills on the ground. They both recoil at the sight, and Louise instantly calls the paramedics. 

While the two, along with Dan's unconscious body, are in the ambulance, Louise calls Phil. 

“You idiot. Meet us at the hospital.” She forced the words out, trying not to cry. 

“What? Why?” Phil responds, irking Louise even more. 

“Just. Do. It. Phil. You'll find out soon enough.”

~~~~~~

Phil rushed into the waiting room, where he finds Louise sitting with the guy from the coffee shop. They both have grim looks on their faces, turning into glares as they notice the raven-haired boy. 

“What happened? Where's Dan? What's he doing here?” Phil sneers the last question. He returns the glare to Ian, spurring Louise to slap him. 

“What do you think happened to Dan? Hint: it has very little to do with Ian here,”

It takes less than a second for Phil to connect the dots. 

“But, he said, he promised he would stop!”

“May I remind you that you promised to protect him, and that you would always be there?” Louise crosses her arms. “And this is Ian, as in the boy who's practically Dan’s brother, who got a missed call from Dan and immediately went to the flat. If we're looking at it, Ian's got higher points than you.” 

A guilty frown takes over Phil's face as a nurse walks over to the trio. “Mr.Howell is alive and stable. You may go see him now.”

Ian is the first one into the room, sitting down next to where Dan is sleeping. He takes Dan's hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “Oh, Dan,” he whispers. 

“You're lucky you got him in time. Fifteen more minutes and he wouldn't’ve survived. He took about fifteen sleeping pills and cut both his wrists five times. I'd recommend he sees a therapist or psychologist to help.” The doctor informs the trio.

Phil rests on the edge of the hospital bed. “How could I do this to you? I'm sorry, Dan,” he murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead. “I'm sorry, love.”

Phil can feel the tears start to run down his face. The guilt of Dan attempting to kill himself, and not being there to stop him, was eating away at him. The tears get stronger as his brain projects what life would be like without Dan there by his side. 

“I'm- I'm gonna go to the bathroom…” Phil tells Louise, who has a somewhat sympathetic look on her face. She nods, Ian not looking up at him. 

~~~~~~

“Ian? Louise?” Dan's hoarse voice breaks the silence. 

“Dan!” Louise rushes over to the bedside from her chair. 

“Where am I? What are you doing here?”

“You nearly died, Dan… It scared the fuck out of me,” Ian explains. “You took too many sleeping pills and cut your wrists.”

“Oh.” He frowns. “Does Phil know?”

“Do I know what?” Phil walks into the room. He walks past the divider that's hiding the bed-ridden Dan. 

“Dan,” Phil lets out a sigh of relief. “I thought I lost you.”

“Sorry.” 

“It’s my fault. I left without letting you explain what happened. I broke my promise first.”

“It just, it hurt so much. Phil I can't live without you. Literally. You're who keeps me from cutting, from overdosing, who forces me to go see my therapist. I doubt I'd be alive if it weren't for you.” 

“God, Dan, I love you so damn much,” Phil cups Dan's face in his hands. “I don't think I could live without you, either.”

“I love you too, you spork,” Dan grabs Phil's collar and pulls him down into a kiss. “This doesn't mean you're completely forgiven,” Dan’s smirk just emphasizes his statement. 

“Should I be worried?”

“Prepare for the most babuse you've ever had to endure. And to give up all your Haribo.”

“Daaan, I can endure the babuse, but taking my Haribo? That's harsh.”

“You love me anyways.”

“That I do.”

Phil kisses Dan again.


End file.
